Saturday, April 11, 2009

Tim Blair, Vanity Fair, Gisele, Erica Ash, the News Corp Global Energy Initiative and April as Save the Planet month

(Above: the Vanity Fair cover that enraged Tim Blair).

Tim Blair is shattered. For three years Vanity Fair ran an annual green issue - you know, Vanity Fair - that chokingly smug Manhattan celebrity-worship rag - but this time it's put Gisele Bundcen on the cover in a decidedly non-green pose. Read all about it in Smug Vanity Fair green again.

Tim somehow finds Gisele's pose reminiscent of his batting style. I guess this is the kind of copy you can expect from the world's leading humourist:

... Ms Bundchen is presented in a manner - left arm bent and raised, right hand covering her shapely upper back - that suggests a recent strike from a cricket ball, following which she's thrown her bat aside. While semi-undressed.

For years, this was my default batting stance (except for the nakedness). (Most of the time.) Bundchen is blatantly copying my cricket moves. Except she's not crying as much, and is clearly not backing away to the leg side in terror. Brazilian supermodels evidently spend a great deal of time in the nets facing fast bowlers. Who knew? Maybe, as a trend, hot chick cricket will fill the void left by global warming and greenism in general, which are just about done.

According to Tim and cultural change observer David Chalke, environmentalism is a thing of the past. It's all over, done and dusted, finished, caput, deceased, a dead parrot nailed to its perch by useless greenies. The hybrid Prius is dropping like a stone, in free fall, and journalists are becoming bored with end-of-the-world green stories.

Except for Tim of course, who manages to find on a daily basis stories proving how stupid greenies are, taken from stories about greenies.

When even journalists are edging away from green hysteria, the great climate war is nearing an end. Let's all go play cricket.

Meanwhile, in other news, the global energy initiative by News Corp is moving ahead in splendid fashion, with National Geo's second annual "Preserve Our Planet" College Film and PSA Contest coming to an end on April 15, with the Audience Winning PSA to air during National Geo's Earth Day events on April 22nd at 8 pm ET/PT.

If you want to learn more about being green from that chokingly smug fearless leader Rupert Murdoch, you can join his energy team at the site here.

Today's featured greenie caring plea is by Erica Ash, a series regular on MADtv, airing late night Saturdays on Fox in the States (remember at News Corp everybody is a team player, and every business is on board the bid to save the planet):

One of the biggest problems with any energy/green initiative, in my opinion, is getting people to jump on board. People carelessly waste energy and materials that could be saved or recycled with the incorrect notion that "My one recycling effort won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things." Consider this: your effort affects all those who are watching you. For instance, a child sees you carelessly leaving lights on, running air conditioning while not at home, tossing an empty water bottle into the trash bin instead of the recycling bin (or worse, on the ground) and they pattern this behavior, even if you do not have children of your own. If a child whose parents do teach her to recycle and save energy sees you being so careless with the environment, she may question the authenticity of her parents' concern for the environment and think it's not such a big deal. What if everyone shared the "I don't make a difference, so why try?" mentality?

There's more, but sadly the snap of Erica they use makes her look chokingly sweet and caring, and doesn't remind me of cricket at all. I think this is more the kind of snap they'd be looking for in the Daily Terror:

Don't you just love the protective arm guard on Ms. Ash's left arm, which reminds me somehow of a cricket box in a jock strap. Now I think that should convince Tim it's time to get on board, to get with the News Corp agenda and to celebrate greenie awareness:

Maybe all of the earth's energy and resource problems won't be fixed in our lifetime. But we are charged to lead by example in order to train the next generation to conserve valuable resources so that this world will survive for our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren and so forth. It has to begin somewhere! Let it start with you!

Yes Tim, oh please, let it start with you!

If you do visit News Corp's green site, you'll be reassured that they've calculated their carbon footprint down to the last ton, though I guess they have to revise that figure each day to take into account the regular fresh supply of hot air from Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt. Still, if you want to join with Rupert and his merry band of greenies in caring for the planet, you too can calculate your own carbon footprint:

And remember, it's not just Earth Hour any more. April is earth month. See what you can do. For example, if playing cricket in autumn with Tim and the boys, do not dry the pitch using electric fans, but instead huff and puff until there's not a trace of moisture to be found. Fortunately Tim is an expert at huffing and puffing ...

Update: Tim at some point seems to have felt the need to insert the magazine cover (above) into his story. Maybe his evocative words evoked ... diddly squat. But Tim now you're trading off on Gisele and Vanity Fair, that chokingly smug rag. Still, he got the response he was trawling for - a dummy from Alburquerque, the town which always got Bugs Bunny lost, talking about "hot chick cricket". Strangely, he also changed the header to Bundchen Bats. But still no mention of Rupert Murdoch's global crusade to save the world from carbon and Tim Blair. Strange.

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