Monday, April 27, 2009

Piers Akerman, Boat People (again), the Christmas Island solution, and wretched liberal PJ O'Rourke

(Above: boat people land on Oz's fair shores, desperate to steal lamingtons from Christmas Islanders. Curse you, John Howard, curse you and your Christmas Island solution).

More automatic writing from Piers Akerman, aka the fat owl of the remove, venting his spleen on all and sundry in relation to boat people and refugees.

Ah yes, it's all there in Rolling out the red carpet for illegal immigrants, which would be more amusing if it was entitled rolling out the anti-red carpet for the illegal, lickspittle, communist UN inspired, Rudd government.

It's hard to take the fat owl as seriously as he takes himself. Indeedy, it's hard to take him seriously at all. It's like he's trying to become the Lou Dobbs of Australia, though obviously without benefit of having Mexicans on which to practice his xenophobia.

Instead he mainly seems interested in locking up people behind barbed wire - to the point where they sew their lips together - before sending them back to die wherever they came from, as a lesson and a warning to all. Humanitarianism runs through the fat owl like rusted iron and stainless steel runs through your average gulag kommissar.

How he hates the Rudd government and its new kindly policies which actually tries to treat human beans as human beings.

Really, it's all too tiresome. Ah well it came as a surprise to some that Lou Dobbs actually had a Mexican-American wife, and she even managed to get arrested for carrying a gun in Newark's Liberty International Airport.

If you want to find out about Piers Akerman's colorful past, take a squiz at his Wikiepedia bio here.

Or not, as the case may be. I guess at least it offers more interesting reading than contemplating yet another Akerman rant in the Daily Terror. The bio somehow humanizes the dear possum, though you might think that task impossible. Still, thinking of the fat owl is definitely a fit subject for Sisyphus as he keeps rolling the rock back up the hill. What if the gods only allowed him a break if when he paused he read an Akerman rant?

That'd mean those Greek gods knew a thing or two about mental and physical torture. Unlike the Japanese, who got done for  water torture in World War II, copping anywhere between fifteen years and execution. Child's play really up against reading an Akerman rant.  

In the sense of creating unending, repetitive, mind numbing, cursed tasks for eternity. Still it'd make you get back to pushing the rock up the hill quick stix.

Somehow reading the rants feels like a form of fiendish oriental Fu Manchu water torture. Maybe those cunning, devious boat people are changing Australian culture even as we think we're safe.

Enough of that. Push the rock. Read the rant. Push the rock. Read the rant.

No, sob, I can't. Stop it, stop it. I'll do anything you ask, you can do anything you want.

Okay, sew up their lips. Shoot them. Throw them in the sea, men, women and children. Whatever. So a few hundred die. Anything to end this torture, anything. Feel like I can't breathe, like my nose is filling up with water and humbug ...

That policy was not crafted as a deterrent. It was formulated as a sop to shrill asylum-seeker activists.

It delighted them, the Fairfax Press and the ABC, as well as limp elements in the Liberal Party such as Petro Georgiou, Judy Moylan and Bruce Baird, along with scores of people smugglers and thousands of their potential clients.

Oh those soft cock liberals (I know, it's tricky for Judy Moylan to be a soft cock, but somehow she manages, and then she somehow manages to be limp!) Oh that wretched Eastern suburbs socialist Fairfax Press. Worse than the ABC, which is so full of lefties, for some bizarre reason it allows Akerman to come on to certain shows to abuse them. 

I actually think it's full of sado-masochistic types. Oh whip me again Piers, hit me, hit me hard. Oh that feels better, I'm so bad, I'm so leftie. Hurt me Piers hurt me. Lash me with your tongue. Second thoughts, just lash me with that cat o' nine tails.

But at least the latest rant conforms to our ten commandments of the right wing commentariat. A couple of hundred people on boats foretells the end of the world being nigh for western civilization as we know it.

Never mind the civil war in Sri Lanka, never mind the war in Afghanistan. These people are just economic refugees out to score from our welfare policies. Selfish people. 

Luckily as global warming is a myth, all that academic blather about people fleeing the effects of climate change will never come to pass. Otherwise the fat owl might actually have a stroke, as hundreds more rush to our shores by boat. Never mind the thousands who take the easy way and use aeroplanes.

But really the fat owl does jump the shark a little. Suddenly he's agitated about the Christmas Island solution, and the burden it places on the island's inhabitants. That's right he's indignant about a policy of locking up boat people on the island, as devised by John Howard and his government.

With all the evidence indicating that the Rudd Government has opened the door, it now needs to set up a complaints department for the residents of Christmas Island where those who arrived on unlawfully aboard the growing armada are housed.

The Christmas Island Shire human resources and policy officer Keith Ravenscroft says shipments of fresh food have been raided to feed the 266 asylum seekers currently in detention and to provide for the big number of security staff, immigration and quarantine officers managing the asylum seekers.

“The local people here are not being looked after and their basic fresh food needs are not being met because the asylum seekers get priority over us,” Mr Ravenscroft told The West Australian. “They are eating better than us and yet we (taxpayers) are paying for their food.”

Deterrence? You have to be kidding.

A complaints department? And they haven't even outsourced it to India. Telstra could teach them a thing or two.

And trust the fat owl to be worried about the refugees stealing the islanders' tuck. As we all know from reading Billy Bunter, you could do almost anything to the fat owl, except stand in his way of visiting the tuck shop to get some tuck for a decent feed. And these bloody refugees, they're eating better than dinkum Ozzies. Oh no, the shame, say it ain't so.

The Christmas Island solution a disaster? You have to be kidding? Where's John Howard when you need him fat owl, so you can kick the shit out of him.

Oh Johnnie, little Johnnie ... Piers has something to tell you ... A nation of twenty one million people give or take, done down by three hundred or so. 

There are Spartans standing on our shores, standing amongst us, and we quaver and we quiver ... and the end of civilization is nigh ... at least if the fat owl has anything to do with it.

Oh and by the way what did that wretched liberal P. J. O'Rourke, allegedly an iconic right wing satirist and provocateur, have to say on this matter when he appeared on the ABC's Q and A talkfest panel on Thursday 23rd April 2009?

PJ O'Rourke: I'm not seeing any Aborigines on the panel here. I am not a Comanche or a Sioux. You know, my people came over to the United States in a completely disorganised way. Doubtless by way of people smugglers, you know. You know, I really believe in immigration. The best...
Julie Bishop: So does Australia.
PJ O'Rourke:: The reason that this is a great nation...
Julie Bishop: So does Australia.
PJ O'Rourke: ... the reason America is a great nation is because of immigration. Let them in. Let them in. These people are assets. You know, one or two of them might not be, but you can sort them out later ....
Julie Bishop: ... there's got to be an orderly migration system.
PJ O'Rourke: But no O'Rourkes would have ever been allowed in the United States ... if there'd been an orderly immigration system.

Dearie me, nobbled by the ABC. Maybe they drugged his coffee, coming here and talking that kind of filthy right wing libertarian talk ... (full transcript here).

(Below: worse, some in the know refugees are aware of Australia's policy of free meat pies for all boat people refugees. Curse you, Kevin Rudd, you pious, mealy mouthed compassionate Christian, you. Join Piers in our "meat pie for the mouths of dinkum Ozzies only" campaign).

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