Wednesday, March 25, 2009

John Hartigan, the Mexicans Are Coming, Chickibabes, hot bods and the end of western civilization

(Above: the Daily Terror presents the top 100 Chickipedia babes, and clocking in at 98 is Trish Stratus. Yep, there's lots more photos in the gallery - down boy down - between warnings about how bikies, feminists, lefties and warministas are threatening western civilization as we know it, and what a fine chikibabe civilization it is too).

Unlike our local warriors, who only get to worry about the Islamic fundie threat, right wing commentator and all purpose loon Pat Buchanan is deeply worried about the Mexican crisis confronting his country. Here he is on MSNBC just awhile ago:

Mexico is the greatest foreign-policy crisis I think America faces in the next 20-30 years. Who is gonna care, Andrea, thirty years from now whether a Sunni or a Shi'a is in Baghdad, or who's ruling in Kabul? We're going to have 135 million Hispanics living in the United States by 2050, heavily concentrated in the Southwest. The question is whether we're going to survive as a country.

Of course the major crisis the Mexicans face is all the guns industrious Americans are shipping in to Mexico to make sure all the drug cartels are fully armed, so that they can carry on their warfare in better style than the poorly equipped Mexican cops and military, given the job of dying for a few pesos more.

But it got me thinking, seeing as how the local right wing commentariet always gets its Chicken Little, the sky is falling in, talking points from the good ol' USA, just how we're going to manufacture an equivalent crisis.

Sure the blacks are always a handy problem, and when it's a dull week, Piers Akerman can always be relied on to give them a bashing. But dang it, they're only 2.5% of the population, though they surely make up for it with their sorry chatter, and their ownership claims and general peskiness. (There's the poofters of course but Piers himself says they only make up 3% of the population, and except for Mardi Gras they stay invisible. Wonderful what the threat of a bashing will do to help maintain good conservative social order. Funny I thought it was more like 10% and when you start counting in the bi's, but hey what would I know ...)

Then there's Indonesia, but that's a bit tricky, and anyhow it's important to praise the Indonesians' firm hand in western New Guinea - in defiance of the local natives, bleeding heart western liberals, christian do gooders and assorted nancy boys who seem to think there's been a bit of a cultural mis-match since the Indonesians colonised, er took over, the joint.

The islanders are also always worth a go - the way they've turned up more and more in assorted rugby league and rugby union teams is a travesty. The country went to the dogs during the Kanaka days, and now they keep on wanting work visas to come here and do more agricultural work. Why just near me there's a Fijian Seventh-Day Adventist Church. Talking up all that brotherly love and forgiveness and saying they're for sinners, not for saints. Worse than the Vietnamese who took over another church down the road - invade a country and look what happens.

But there's not enough of them. It's not like the horde of Mexicans doing the border wave in the south of the USA.

I mean, we could get worried about Tasmanians, wanting to spread their in-breeding to the mainland. But that lacks credibility. After all, the Tasmanians who count are busy tearing down the place and shipping it in wood chip form to Japan so the Japanese can keep up their high standard in gift wrapping paper.

No, it has to be the New Zealanders. Never mind the current PM, and his alleged right wing tendencies. We all know they're a bunch of slacker, anti nuke, conservative socialist leftie inclined do gooders, acting as some kind of refuge for Americans who fled the Bush years. That's the kind of thinking that threatens the entire western world, especially as we get down and dirty, remove travel restrictions and make them think we're somehow blood brothers, just because there's a couple of Anzac statues on a Sydney bridge.

Next thing we know we won't be able to go to Bondi, our apple industry will be dead, and the vowel shift inherent in dag New Zealander talk will make us incomprehensible to the entire world.

You might think of NZ'ders as southern Canadians, but they're the best threat we've got, after bikies and Islamic fundies.

Thank the lord, after my usual dose of fear mongering and anxiety over stereotypes, I can retreat the Daily Terror's gallery showing the top 100 Chickipedia chicks. Now there's exceptional, responsible newspaper reporting except, if they're not careful, they're going to end up on Stephen Conroy's little list ...

"Mummie, mummie, why are all these chicki babes in the paper and there's no flag or filter for impressionable malleable young minds like mine?"
"Oh they're just page three girls dear. Only Stephen Conroy foams at the mouth when he sees them. Why don't you just go look at the NRL hot bods gallery instead. Got to get you ready for glassings and upchucking as an advanced form of love making sweetie."

Oh and what brought this on? Well it was a comical piece in Tim Blair's blog about Australians joining in the battle to protect the Texas-Mexico border. Seems like Aussies are prominent in the hundred thousand web users who've signed up online to become virtual border patrol deputies. One of the folks even sent an email saying "Hey mate we've been watching your border for you from the pub in Australia". Complete with a link at Blair's blog, so you too can join in the watching.

Don't it warm the cockles of your heart? We're not just worried about the Islamic fundies, we're worried about the Mexicans swamping America. Pat Buchanan will be so thankful. (The original story's in Patrol watches Texas-Mexico border - from pub in Australia in The Guardian).

But enough of that. Feast your eyes on Chickibabe Alessandra Ambrosio. I know, I know, she's Brazilian, I know, I know, a lot of them came from Portugal, not Spain, but I just wanted to remind you what a threat Hispanics pose to the world, seeing as how Hispanic once referred to the Iberian peninsula in toto. With this kind of carry on, how on earth can the world survive?

And don't worry boys (or girls). As mentioned, there's a gallery featuring 35 pictures of NRL hot bods for 2009, but they're so hot and tatted - there's even a pierced nipple - they're too deadly for this site. 

I know you can't wait to rush off and get some more of this kind of Terror News Ltd finger lickin' John Hartigan style investigative journalism, exposing government and public servants everywhere as secretive, nasty, furtive cockroaches trying to hide under rocks, until the Terror exposes their pink bodies to the glare of sunlight.

Second thoughts, people, back under the rocks. Enough with the bodies today. Plenty of bodies coming at ya tomorrow ...

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