Saturday, January 24, 2009

Tim Blair, Bush, Turkeys, Conspiracies and rewriting history

Just a note so you don't have to look. Good ol' Tim Blair is still fighting the good fight. In his blog, he can get away with simple minded fun, but the level of banality he's forced to reveal in an actual column is remarkable, as you can see in full shuddering 3D in Bush haters look like turkeys.

As usual, it's a fervid, fervent account of how the Bush haters get it all wrong, and how Blair and his acolytes get it all right. (Repeat after me, Bush and Homer good, Bart really baaad).

Let's count the ways - Obama only got 2.2 per cent more of the popular vote, the liberal media hate Bush (they wrote more stories about Obama's inauguration than Bush's),  and this good - maybe not great - president did wonderful things against the Taliban (oops about bin Laden, but hey Obama shares the dream), and then there was the wonderful triumph in Iraq, and then he did the right thing about the warming planet by leaving it alone, and then - oh no, it's time to recycle the David Hanson stuff about how did Bush interfere with your civil liberties - just name one thing please.

Enough already please. The re-writing of history always requires indefatigable zealotry, but enough already. But wait, what's this you buggers out there didn't rise to this remarkably silly and meaningless challenge (a better phrasing might be rat or mouse bait). 

"Responses were few at press time", notes the Blair, as if this actually means something. Well it means factoid drivel to fill up a column in The Daily Terror, but bugger all else. 

"Perhaps all the victims of Bush's freedom-crushing hatred now lie decomposing in secret Freedom Pits located across the nation," rambles on the faithful Blair, triumphant in his understanding of everything to do with the noble Bush and paranoid liberal conspiracy theories. Or maybe his readers just don't work in the Justice Department. Or maybe they did, but didn't need to share their fate with the half-crazed Blair or the maddened Hanson.

It's a bit like Melbourne Storm losers trying to explain how they really won the grand final against Manly but managed somehow to lose it 40-0. (Let's not talk about the New England Patriots, any of you real football lovers out there).

Let me say it again. Losers. You can take your plastic turkey conspiracy and shove it. You're losers. You're stupider than George Bush, who knows he's out of the game. You keep on fighting about whether he was stupid or not, as a way of demonstrating your stupidity and your inability to let the past go. 

You know, as one insensitive young person put to me (infected as he is with a whopping dose of political incorrectness), arguing on the Internet is a bit like the special Olympics - even if you win, you lose.

But I don't believe that. I genuinely believe that Tim Blair is trying to achieve a higher understanding. He's not arguing George Bush is wonderfully intelligent. He's just saying everybody apart from him and a few other of the elect in a special band of brothers understands things in a way no one else can.

You can imagine their suffering as the barbarians storm the gates, tear apart the castle, trample on the magical dreams they shared with their man those eight long years. It's postpartum depression, a long slow drift into the twilight gleaming of complete irrelevance.

My only thought, and it's maybe a long shot? Take some hippie therapy. I believe eucalyptus leaves and tea tree oil might offer the best hope. Whatever you do, leave the turkey baster in the oven (or somewhere a lesbian in need might find it), and give up the snake oil.

It's over. Over. Over. Now click your heels and disappear to Kansas.

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