Thursday, January 29, 2009

Miranda Devine, hapless Mick Dodson, another bagging Australia Day and the coming of the Republic

A random sample of the impeccable thoughts of Miranda the Devine on the black bashing of Mick Dodson being made Australian of the Year in Bagging goes with the title:

Every Australian of the Year has to expect to cop a bagging, especially on Australia Day. It is our national sport. (Keep that in mind if ever a right wing loon collects the gong).

Since then (Dodson wanting to start a conversation about the timing of Australia Day) he has been bagged for lots of things, including for not being Warren Mundine or Noel Pearson - which is the most reasonable criticism. (Personally I feel sad that the bubble headed booby Devine is not Shakespeare or Wittgenstein and feel perfectly reasonable in saying so. No doubt Tony Abbott, that distinguished ultra loon, would back me up on this).

But if you started giving the award to real movers and shakers, such as Pearson and Mundine, it would soon become apparent that Australia is a small nation, relatively speaking, with a commensurate talent pool. You'd soon run out of candidates and have to bring on the B-team. The Australian of the Year awards committee is just averting any future disappointment to the Australian people. Maybe we should spread our talent a bit thinner and have an Australian of the Decade. (Bizarre logic, utterly bizarre, but if that's the case, Devine should qualify, let's see, thinking mathematically, every decade, thinning out the talent, reckon she could at least get a nomination by the year 5050. In the meantime up against her, Peter Cundall, gardening presenter, leftie and all round nice guy would be getting nominations every year).

It's a pity the committees do not put their deliberations on the public record, so that any obvious ideological agendas might be exposed. (And Miranda the deep thinker could have an easy column to write, about communists and lefties like nominee Cundall infesting and undermining and white anting the Australian dream and wanting to turn Australia into a republic).

But wait, what's this, a sting in the tail: But, Dodson's conversation-starter on changing Australia Day is not so unthinkable as the Prime Minister says.

Tell that to Akerman, Albrechtsen and the other loons. There's clearly been a failure to communicate. But Devine is fearless. She's not afraid of change, or deep fry thinking.

That's why for the Devine Australia Day could be changed to the last Monday of January and be celebrated like Thanksgiving in the US (you know the way the Indians and the whites sat down for some turkey and corn). Why according to a survey 56% of Australians don't even know Australia Day marks the arrival of the First Fleet in Sydney in 1788.

But wait, that sudden rush of blood to the head can easily be reversed by standing on your head and whistling dixie for ten minutes (or Waltzing Matilda if you feel a thanksgiving moment coming on for all these insights).

In the end, the debate is all moot because as soon as the Queen dies and King Charles takes the throne, Australia will rush screaming to a republic and our national day will be whatever day we choose to make it happen. 

Yeah, republican Miranda. Go girl go. Sock it to them. Let's get it happening, what should we do, how can we get moving on this?

Sometimes the best solution is to do nothing.

Huh? Why did I just lose ten points in my IQ? Silly me, I read a Miranda Devine column. 

Keep this up and I'll be a gibbering monkey in an asylum somewhere, trying to remember that abuse and bullying in public is good, and it's especially okay if you just cop all the shit like a good black man, and that doing nothing while locked in my strait jacket is by far the best strategy. You know I'm beginning to think that someone needs to evoke Dr Smith and the robot and deliver a hearty stream of abuse in the direction of this cackling cuckoo.

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