Piers Akerman, the Greens, the Reds, the Elysian Gloaming Fields, and dogs with fleas

(Above: the occupations of Ani in the Elysian Fields. Note well the sinister green shading).

Poor Piers Akerman is bitterly torn. It's almost as if he wants to make his own version of The Three Faces of Eve, ripped apart by competing personalities that threaten to tear him and the whole of Australia asunder.

In the usual way of things, he'd be dancing on the grave of the Australian Labor Party, celebrating the way they lost the Fremantle by-election by a quite substantial margin.

If a Brazilian butterfly’s tiny wing beat can generate a tropical hurricane, the Greens weekend win in the West Australian state by-election for the seat of Fremantle should generate a cyclone in Canberra.

Well there goes the chance of a cyclone in Canberra - the last Brazilian butterfly in the last bit of Amazon rainforest is scheduled to be eradicated at 4 pm this Friday. Never mind, we get the absurd metaphor, as we live through surreal end days.

But after the dancing and prancing to midnight comes a shocking downer, with the realization that Fremantle has elected a representative of the Greens, which is to say someone redder than Mao Tse Tung.

How does Piers reconcile his schizophrenic dilemma? Why by flailing about and frothing and foaming in classic fat owl style, in Labor the big loser in Green chaos theory.

For a start, he won't hear of Labor blaming the Liberals for not running a candidate, nor will he tar and feather conservatives for helping vote in the green reds (or is that red greens, or should we be now thinking of the yellows, if you like the notion of additive color mixing). No, it's all the fault of the Labor party. With their inept Burke-ian ways, they made the electorate vote in a party which is nihilist.

That's right, these days rabbiting on about saving the world gets you labelled as a nihilist. Poor Nietzsche would be rolling in his syphilitic grave. But the fat owl is on a roll here, and after all, he's a firm believer in the Humpty Dumpty school of philosophy where words mean exactly what you want them to mean, and to hell with the lexicographers. How's this?

The Greens, who display their environmentalist credentials by inhabiting seats most removed from the Elysian gloaming they claim to crave, would, through their anti-industrial policies, send Australia into penury at a rate that would make Pol Pot envious. We’d be at Year Zero in seconds.

For Greens, read Reds. As in the colour of the bottom line once the debts their anti-business and whacko social policies would shackle Australians with.

Elysian gloaming! Well they don't quite go together  and it doesn't make much sense - since the Elysian Fields or Plains were the final resting place of the souls of the heroic and the virtuous, while gloaming is twilight or dusk, but it sounds damn fine, mighty fine. Even the greens might find it hard to yearn to be a dead soul in twilight.

Never mind, the sudden ascendancy of the greens gives the fat owl a chance to get hysterical about climate change, all over again.

While many in the ALP find global warming a convenient prop to their stupendous moral vanity, the Greens see it as a quasi-religious cause.

Labor is now faced with the job of defusing the time bomb it has created.

It has to consider the very real prospect that, should it be foolish enough to push for a double dissolution of both House of Parliament, the ALP’s own frenzied propaganda on climate could hand the Greens a Senate majority.

Stupendous moral vanity! Another resounding thwack! Quasi-religious cause! Take that, you doubting Thomases and Peters, hear that cock crowing three times as you deny the lord. 

Thank heavens climate change has nothing to do with science. Well only bad science. Details please? Never mind.

MP-elect Carles credits concerns about global warming for her victory and there has been no greater promoter of hysteria over the climate change issue than the ALP, ably assisted by its media arm, the ABC.

Damn you ABC, being the media arm of the Labor party. Let this be a lesson to you, and your fashion friendly kind. You've been punished and it signals death for Australia, but even better, it signals mayhem for Australia.

The Greens, like the ALP, would destroy the Australian economy in the cause of supporting bad science and constantly altering modelling even though it is acknowledged that nothing Australians do would have the slightest effect on global climate change.

Delightfully, this would happen even as a number of scientists are back-peddling on their forecasts of sea level increases and rising temperatures.

Ah there you go. Delightfully! The schizophrenia is resolved. The fat owl will be delighted if the Greens get a majority in the senate, thrash Labor and take the nation to certain ruin.  A little while ago I thought Miranda the Devine the perfect role for the scorpion in the tale of the scorpion who prefers to sting a frog and drown rather than get across the pond in style.

But she's a rank amateur up against the fat owl. How happy he is. Oh frabjous joy, to think the Labor party might lose Lindsay Tanner, Tanya Plibersek and Melissa Parke, not to mention Anthony Albanese (and if he goes, what happens to his wife Carmel Tebbutt in the state election, as she's supposed to be lining up to take over from Nathan Rees and save the Labor party in NSW?)

They will want the ALP to start talking to the conservatives about tactics quickly before the next federal election to give them more options, but they may find the unthinkable has already happened.

It may be that the Greens will be there first, looking for deals with the Coalition while Labor is still wondering why it was betrayed by its “bedmate”.

Et tu Liberals? Doing the dance of death with the nihilists to the ruination of Australia? Lie down with dogs and you get up with fleas, you know, the fat owl tells me so, and so it must be true. It you get into bed with the reds, and hide them under the bed, the fat owl will sniff them out. He can smell a red under the bed from miles away. Be warned. 

What to make of it all? Well clearly the fat owl hasn't caught up with Gerard Hendersons' pronouncement that the Labor party isn't left at all, since it seems Piers is really pleased that the vile Labor lefties are being punished, even if it's by heroic nihilistic ratbag figures at their resting place in the sweet inner urban dusk light.

I guess for that we have to thank the academics, public servants, students and artists of Fremantle - yes you know who you are, you trendy smart arses. Not content with kicking out fisher folk, run down brothels,  and owners of infamous pubs, these fashion junkies, cajoled and deceived by the ABC, have now installed a demonic satanist as their state representative. There you go, real Australians like brothel owners replaced by ersatz ponces.

Ruined Freo, ruined Perth, ruined WA, ruined Australia. All in one fell blow. Satisfied now? Well you should be because you seem to have made Piers' day. It's an ill green wind that blows no good, and while one red has risen, the rest of the reds might fall ...

(Below: Liberals co-join with greens in Elysium to hatch the downfall of the ratfink Labor reds).