Miranda the Devine is back at The Sydney Morning Herald and all is well with the world. Where some had feared in her absence a tear in the invisible forces that rule the universe - a kind of trekkie black hole induced by Nero lefties - the balance has now been restored.
Fittingly in her first return engagement, the Devine has chosen to produce a hagiography of that stout Federal head cop Mick Keelty, by way of attacking all those cruel critics who've lampooned this tally poppy. Hands up for the role of political pariah, she sobs.
No sooner had Mick Keelty announced his retirement plans than his newly emboldened critics were crowing. The disparagement of the AFP Commissioner is part of a trend of second-guessing those responsible for protecting Australians from terrorism in the wake of September 11 and the Bali bombings.
Keelty was derided this week as a "courtier cop", "egotistical" and as "mocked" reportedly by unnamed government ministers, no doubt of the Socialist Left.
Ah yes, the vile socialist left. Newly emboldened? As opposed to giving Keelty a hammering for years? Now who might they be ...
... such is the current climate that when the Attorney-General, Robert McClelland, praised the police taskforce for "the most successful terrorist prosecution that this country has seen", he was howled down by a toxic combination of civil rights groups, defence lawyers and an opportunistic Opposition Leader, Malcolm Turnbull.
Ah Malcolm you vile leftie, no wonder you're doing badly in the polls. And keeping the company of civil rights groups (Stalinists all) and lawyers (minions of Darth Vader).
The rest is a wonderful paen of praise, worthy of any song sung by the Greeks in gratittude to Apollo.
We learn how Bill grew up with five siblings in a two bedroom fibro Parramatta house, and then went on to triumph in the world of fighting drugs and battling terrorism. Sure there were a couple of minor hiccups in the matter of Dr. Haneef and the Bali Nine cases, but these are trivial up against the benign benefits of his reign, most particularly in law enforcement co-operation with Indonesia.
But as usual dark satanic forces are at work and history is being re-written and it seems no one but Mick Keelty and Miranda Devine have any memories of the old days of planes plunging into New York's twin towers and bombs going off like fireworks. That's why they're the chosen few, you mindless, memory-less sheep.
Funny, I don't remember the commentariat being so kind when Keelty made some unfortunate attempts to tell the truth, suggesting that the venture in Iraq might have contributed to terrorism, thereby sending his master John Howard into a frenzy. But I do remember that socialist left fiend Piers Akerman berating Kelty:
Mick Keelty, you have to be kidding. A day after a man was bashed to death at Sydney’s Qantas domestic terminal you say that security at the airport is not bad.
Sob, et tu Piers?
While Devine has a ready recommendation for Keelty's successor - a new chief to reign over us - she is deeply troubled:
We could do no better than appoint the former NSW homicide squad boss Nick Kaldas to replace Keelty.
But who would want the job if successes are played down, every mistake magnified and you are treated like a political pariah?
Indeedy. And who would be PM of this country if the commentariat gleefully danced like prima donna ballerinas, chortling about huge issues of the day, like hair dryers and sandwiches?
But isn't that the game? Playing down successes, magnifying every mistake, and treating opponents as political pariahs, and aren't you an expert Miranda, except when mounting a stout defence for certain pets, like Mick Keelty?
Well I think we can definitely say one thing. Mick Keelty didn't do for the AFP what Sol Trujilo managed to do for Telstra, which was run down the share price, ruin the relationship with government, mishandle broadband, maintain a dumb aggressive culture, and eventually take down the foolish chairman who supported him through thick and thin while paying extravagently for the privilege.
We look forward to Miranda the Devine's stout hearted defence of Sol, and her denigration of the outrageous behavior of his critics, who've undoubtedly played down his successes, by claiming they can't find any, by magnifying every mistake (so many it would take a book the length of War and Peace to encapsulate) and then sent him to Coventry for upsetting the government.
Meantime, never fear, we will have a new head of the AFP. and we look forward to Miranda the Devine acting as unofficial press secretary.
Which I suppose is better than Keelty's suggestion that the media not report on anything in relation to terrorism, except the few things the AFP might decide should be allowed to emerge by way of a private briefing session to a chosen few.
Just one news flash to Mick Keelty's successor. If your name is in the public domain, and you stuff up, expect abuse. But if you succeed admirably expect only the sustaining, unremitting praise of Miranda the Devine. The rest of us will hate you for being a successful cop, because ... well for no apparent reason, but just because you're a cop ...
And so exits logic from loon pond on the exciting return of Miranda the Devine to the flock. Ain't it grand to have her back, with her deep throated passionate cawing and squawking ... and with the news that Malcolm Turnbull is an opportunistic socialist leftie at heart (as well as a Republican)!