Andrew Bolt, Lily Allen, the new barbarism, the foulest abuse, moral hypocrisy and the end times coming fast

(Above: Lily Allen singing a song with vulgar lyrics. Don't be alarmed if the picture doesn't move, that's how young people on YouTube do this sort of thing).

We were wrong. 

For some time, this site has contended that Gerard Henderson is the most humorless commentariat columnist in the wide brown land of Oz. People offered up contenders like Christopher Pearson, and we dismissed them out of hand. We made cheap, offensive jokes about Henderson, borrowing Paul Keating's line desiccated coconut and talking of a prattling Polonius, and even, to our shame re-publishing a scurrilous First Dog on the Moon cartoon.

We were wrong. He's not even in the same ring as our champ'een and possible contender for heavyweight humorless champ'een of the world.

And how is Andrew Bolt the winner? Well here's his response to Lily Allen's little ditty, which you can hear above:

Lily Allen is a perfect illustration of the new barbarism, especially that of the Left. The British popster thinks she’s moral, which gives her licence in her own mind to unleash the foulest abuse on others whose sin is simply not to think as she does. A thoroughly moral hypocrite, she has a licence to be cruel.

It seems that, apart from singing filthy lyrics, the sweet young thing has trashed a hotel room in Paris, even though she reckons the band did it. Lordy, have we learned nothing since the days of the Rolling Stones. No wonder we're heading towards the end days quik stix. 

Bolt draws himself up to the full height of pompous prudishness:

Check the lyrics of F… you (most of which I’ve hidden below to save the unwary and tender eye from offence - and thanks to reader Michael for the tip) The very first line already establishes the hypocrisy to come, given that this is allegedly an anthem against “hatred”.

Ah, this reminds me of the days when the Inquisition and the Puritans liked to give the female body a full check over, and even the odd bit of torture, in a salacious and lascivious way, so that they could be aroused to the necessary level of righteous indignation to indulge in a bit of witch burning.

Just so you don't have to click on Andrew Bolt, thereby boosting his squillion hits a day, here's the lyrics, but please avert your eyes if you are unwary and tender. Fortunately this excludes some twenty one million Australians for whom 'fuck you' is a charming greeting, displaying either warm affection or an invitation to a punch up, or if said in the wrong tone, the first intimation you might be about to be glassed with a broken schooner glass.

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
‘Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it’s not okay to be gay
Well, I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well, that’s not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that’s so hateful?
‘Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
You’re losing control a bit
And it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say you think we need to go to war
Well, you’re already in one
‘Cause it’s people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
‘Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Well I wouldn't call them the most Wordsworthian of lyrics (Allen likes Wordsworth), but as Tim Blair had the cunning to note, at least they could be as affronting to Islamics as to any other kind of fundamentalist.

But foulest abuse, a licence to be cruel and a thoroughly moral hypocrite? Gee, I didn't know she was a Satanist.

Oh yes, and it's incredibly canny to have the whole song up on your site, and then to print all of the lyrics, in the hope of baiting the doltheads into their standard fury, but we'd never use the word hypocrisy. Not when the word humorless will do.

Allen is of course notorious for saying she was pleased to see the end of George W Bush's presidency and stuck her middle finger up as a way of giving the shrub the bird.

But lordy she's a 24 year old pop singer, born to a confused showbiz family, and it's just a pop song. She likes Gordon Brown but she also thinks Boris Johnson is cool. David Cameron's daughter is a huge fan, and the Conservative leader gave her CD to Barack Obama. (If you want more Allen-ania, go here to TimesOnline).

If Bolt wanted to slag off someone in the pop field, how about Sting or Bono? Or is it just an age thing?

Bolt seems to take the song as some kind of personal affront or direct vitriolic attack on him, or a sign of the decline and fall of civilization. And people wonder why this site pays no attention to him. A man with that much anger and indignation ... it can't be healthy ... 

So now he's confirmed as the most humorless commentariat columnist in the country, can we just get back to nice people like Gerard Henderson, who's probably never heard of Lily Allen ...