Piers Akerman, the Obama follies, the farrago of failures, neo Christians, the ratty Ruddster and socialism rampant

(Above: eek, it's a gaggle of socialists, a collective of communists, in London to supervise the end of the world as we know it. And they even pretend to pray to the same god as conservatives. Quick, bring on the rapture, and we'll see what god has to say when she sorts them out).

It's a tremendous hoot, the way Kevin Rudd and the other assorted socialists now in power around the world get up the nose of Piers Akerman, hack extraordinaire for the Daily Terror.

Frothing and foaming and stomping and shouting abuse, Akerman has started to come across like an English major with a touch of Delhi belly. There's no logic here, just a wave of frenzied verbal assaults, one after the other, and you have to hope Akerman is enjoying his display of theatrical venting, or we'd all be worried about him going a bit dotty like the Major in Fawlty Towers.

In his latest outburst - Over-acting prophets and profits set to exit stage left - an almost profound incoherence has overtaken the fat owl of the remove, so besotted with besmirching Rudd has he become.

Let's start with some visionary slagging off:

Gee whiz, it's the G20 and Kevin Rudd is singing the Hallelujah Chorus in British PM Gordon Brown's socialist rock revival concert at St Paul's Cathedral. Strutting the world stage like a bantam, Rudd is grandstanding in an empty theatre.

We have to mark the fat owl down on a technicality here. The better, more correct comparison would have been Bono and U2 (or perhaps he could have borrowed The Times' description of the Ruddster as a charisma-free zone).

Perhaps you can guess that Rudd just sticks in Akerman's craw, like a piece of mouldy stale bread. Never mind, on with the abuse. The G-20 is a farrago of failure, with a neo-Blairite Christian message that bankers should consider more than profits in the future, which pre-supposes that most banks will have a future.

Gee, and there was I thinking that in the Bush-Blair years, the neo-Christian message was all good, all hope, all joy. How swiftly these neo-Christians bite the dust.

Of course, you probably haven't realized, but the bankers' problems are exclusively due to the subprime loans the Democrats set loose on the US economy, a remarkable feat given that they were out of power in the Presidency, the Senate and the Congress for eight long years, and the hapless, helpless Republicans in power didn't wake up to the evil scheming of the Democrats until way too late.

What's that say about the dud Republicans, so easily conned, tricked, cheated, and duped by the satanic Democrats?

Still I've always believed that when telling an eight year old a fairy story, you just keep repeating it and the reality in the end will stick. (Perhaps that's why my son still thinks there's a Luke Skywalker dueling with his dad in some galaxy far, far away).

Yep, it's all the fault of the all-new, all dancing Obama Follies - they can't sell a seat and they can't paper the house - and after all that George Bush did over eight years, to think that evil Obama has managed to undo it all in just a couple of months (What's that you say, the big crash happened last year before Obama came to power - please explain exactly what kind of alternate universe it is you live in).

Then it's on to what is now a familiar ploy of the fat owl, who when confronted with a need for original thinking, original thoughts, or original stories, just goes on to rehash his last three columns in a grand new melting pot of splendid verbiage. That way he can trash the Rudd-Swan team's ad hoc financial management, bash the ten billion in cheques, and bemoan the further twelve billion for people in jail, retirees living overseas, even non-Australians who had once worked here, and to people who had died. That's right, according to Piers, the whole twelve billion is going only to riff raff - not one deserving dinkum Aussie will see a dollar.

No wonder Pier's is expecting riots in the streets, instead of celebrations from all those mugs bought off with a measly nine hundred bucks.

The fat owl is wildly excited by Reserve Bank deputy governor Ric Battellino suggesting that countries should fix up their banking sector, and suggesting it comes down to individual countries doing what they need to do to fix up their economies.

Dearie me Ric, you wild eyed radical you. Somehow you've got the fat owl thinking this is a major economic heresy. Somehow he thinks that we should just forget about Detroit, or forget about global regulation of economies, not that I can recall too many people saying we needed the UN to regulate the global economy, apart from the black helicopter crowd swearing it's a fiendish plot by the Chinese to abolish the Yankee dollar.

I guess he missed that bit where you said that after falls in the next two quarters, if all goes according to plan, by the end of the year, we can look forward to some recovery activity. Recessions do end. Why Ric you even said the American economy was making reasonable progress.

Well you have to think that's an incredibly brave prediction, especially with all these socialists in control, and worse Ric it seems you went on to praise those damned Chinese communists for acting with great speed and vigour, and stimulating their economy, with the maximum period of weakness for the Chinese economy likely to be the past six months.

Good Heavens! A heresy to fans of international capitalism such as Piers Akerman, Janet Albrechtsen and Gerard Henderson, but some would say it makes a lot of sense.

Oops, scrub that last remark. Got it totally wrong. I think six of the best on the backside is required. Here it is in corrected Piers Akerman form:

Good Heavens! A heresy to fans of international socialism such as Rudd, Brown and Obama but it makes a lot of sense.

One size does not fit all, no matter how long we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

By the way, if you want to read what Battellino actually said in his speech, without the Akerman furphies and distortions, you can check out the transcript on the RBA site here. It's pretty unexceptional stuff,  though a tad optimistic, as required of an RBA type in this time of gloom, and after reading it, you might come away with an overpowering sensation of  just how desperate Piers is for a glimmer of hope in his battle against the Ruddster and the socialists.

He just makes guff up, and that's what makes him such fun to read. You can't take him seriously, but on a meta-level his rants are a jolly good laugh, the best kind of sitcom.

You know, I think if you imagine Piers as the Major, and Kevin Rudd as the rat in Fawlty Towers, everything you've read up to now will make perfect sense. It might not make any economic sense, but it will make a transcendental kind of sense, and that, after all, is the best kind of sense.

The scene:

The Major is wandering cautiously around the bar, looking for the now departed rat.
Basil: Do you need any help Major?
Major (pointing the shotgun at Basil): Don’t move! Vermin!
Basil: We haven’t got any this week, Major. No Germans staying this week… may I have the gun?
Major: I’m going to shoot him, Fawlty.
Basil: Yes… Major… Not… not legal anymore…murder…
Major: But they’re animals, Fawlty!
Basil: Oh yes, yes… Still, forgive and forget, eh, Major?
Major: Forgive ’em?
Basil: Well, pretend we do.
Major: But they spread disease, Fawlty… he was sitting there on that table, eating the nuts if you please.
Basil (to himself): He’s really gone this time.
Major: About that size. That with the tail (indicating the size of the rat).
The penny drops for Basil:
Basil: Tail… what did you say it was?
Major: Vermin… A dirty ratty socialist!