Sunday, April 5, 2009

Hamid Karzai, the rights of men, wifely duty, and cultural leanings of Afghanistan make benefit Australia Glorious

(Above: cucking stool, aka ducking stool, part of my multi-pronged legislative program to resurrect the rights of men).

Well at last a president with balls has had the decency and guts to sign into law what every man in Australia has been demanding for years.

Bettina Arndt and Miranda the Devine must be dancing in the streets with news this weekend that Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai has signed into law an act designed to tackle the problem of the weaker sex and their faint-hearted attitude to giving it out.

We all know this is a problem - only a few days ago a kindly reader, who somehow mistook me for Michael Duffy, heaven forfend, explained how "Men too need respect, for who we are and how nature has created us."

The law allows Shiite men to demand sex from their wives every four days and keep them indoors indefinitely.

"As long as the husband is not traveling, he has the right to have sexual intercourse with his wife every fourth night."

The law also explains what's expected of women.

"Obedience, readiness for intercourse and not leaving the house without the permission of the husband are the duties of the wife."

But in case you think this is unfair or skewed somehow, the law also takes care of the rights of women. Men have to take their wives to bed at least once every four months, to avoid sexual neglect. Well, that's extremely fair, seeing as how the weaker sex aren't really up to sex much more than three times a year.

Thank the lord, action at last. All this mealy mouthed, pussy footing around the problem of women in Australia left me wondering if anyone anywhere was ever going to take firm action to assert the rights of men.

Strangely, the US State Department is embarrassed by the secretive, furtive passage of the legislation, which is more restrictive than anything the old Taliban regime managed (the news was leaked by a UN agency). It seems Karzai did it as a deal to get himself in good shape for the upcoming elections, and now they're trying to get him to reverse the law. But really you have to ask why - after all, it's an ill wind that blows no good, and here we have an initiative that helps men while reminding women of their wifely duties. 

If we had the law in Australia, then Bettina Arndt wouldn't have to write a book like The Sex Diaries. We'd just throw recalcitrant women in the cooler for a couple of days, and they'd soon learn to come across with the goods. 

Indeedy I've been thinking it's about time we thought of bringing back the scold's bridle, while these days I understand you can fit a decent chastity belt with a GPS tracking device. And let's face it, things have gotten out of hand with common scolds (communis rixatrix) since the dunking stool dropped out of sight. If you want an explanation of why we all have to put up with Germaine Greer, it's right there in a nutshell. Give her a good dunking or three, like a Krispy Kreme doughnut, and we could all live in peace.

Well done President Karzai. I don't expect much action federally in Australia, seeing as how the wretched Rudd is clearly under the thumb of his millionaire wife (why, these days the right wing commentariet can't write a story without mentioning his millionaire wife) but perhaps Nathan Rees, who is angry about everything these days - black outs, bikies, public transport, the hopeless job his government is doing - could experiment with a state law that'd be so much more effective than the heroic work of Arndt and Devine.

And ain't it grand to see that men are fighting and dying in Afghanistan to make sure the rights of men are enacted into law. Think I'll go and shed a tear in private now at the sweet poetry of it all ...

By the way, did I mention Kevin Rudd has a millionaire wife? Shocking, even surprising that you could find such a creature in the world of modern socialism. Reminds me of the good doctor Samuel Johnson's response to news from Boswell that he'd been to a Quakers meeting and heard a woman preach: Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well but you are surprised to find it done at all.

I always find that very apt when thinking about Bettina Arndt, Miranda the Devine, and women writing books, or columns, or blogs, or whatever. Don't you? No wonder women are hopeless at sex ... surprising it's done at all really.


bettina arndt said...

Tut, Tut, Michael, I would have thought that as a book publisher, you would have actually read the book before slagging off at it's author. If you had read "The Sex Diaries, you would know I am not suggesting women lie back and think of England and suffer through unwanted sex. Of course they retain the right to say no but I am suggesting they think about saying yes more often - because of the devastating impact on their partners of feeling constantly rejected and unwanted. I point to new research, from Rosemary Basson in Canada, who has shown provided women are receptive to the idea, many can experience pleasure without arousal. Hence I suggest they put the canoe in the water, start paddling and hopefully they too can experience pleasure. I am not proposing charity bonks, although these too have their place, but exploring the possibility that they might enjoy sex even when they didn't feel like it at the start of lovemaking.

You will see from letters on my website forum - - that many women agree with this idea and attribute this approach to their close, happy relationships. I also strongly argue that men must also "just do it" if they are consistently rejecting their partners. This need not involve intercourse. You can make love, give pleasure, using your hands, lips. The problem is that mismatched desire can so easily create enormous tension in a relationship. Surely it is not a sexist argument when I apply it equally to men and women, whoever has the lower drive. NOne of this bears any relation to the rantings of Hamid Karzai. I am surprised that an intelligent, rational man like you would resort to this type of ignorant, insulting rave. Get a grip, Michael!

dorothy parker said...

For the love of everything that's holy, please folks, note that this blog is entitled The Michael Duffy Files, as in filing cabinet, collection of files therein (or if you're a futurist, think of folders in a computer).

The title is a homage to the esteemed columnist Michael Duffy, resident every Saturday in the Sydney Morning Herald, and freely available on air on ABC National at 4 pm on Monday (with sundry repeats), whose musings every Saturday are scrutinized here, thereby making up a set of files or case studies in his name, and now with bonus columnist loons, and anybody else in the public eye who might cop an occasional harmless slagging.

Michael Duffy has nothing to do with the content of this site. The poster is the pseudonymous Dorothy Parker, who in a snide, half assed, half baked way pretends to the wit of the real and glorious Dorothy Parker, now sadly dead, and thereby not able to do much about the poseur and riff raff rag tag ratbag who so shamelessly debases her name.

So please, lay off the Duffster, no false attributions please, and don't blame the real Dorothy Parker. Let's all take a bex, have a good lie down, and then get into some hearty fucking.

Doolittle said...

OMG - this surely can't be the real "Bettina Arndt". Is it one of the legions of minions? (I expect her to have minions). But I guess all publicity for the book is good publicity.

The problem with Arndt's argument is that she sets up a straw man, then knocks it down. Her argument goes something like: "women would be so much happier if their men were happier" (duh). They should make them happier with sex, but not out of a sense of duty, out of a sense of love, or something.

This presupposes that all that's wrong with most marriages is a lack of intuition on the part of the wife. Nothing to do with the husband's behaviour.

Of course all marriages are much more complex than this.

I'm not surprised she can find women who think sex is a good way to keep a relationship happy. It is. That's not the point, really, though, is it?

Loved the rant about Karzai. Props for including Borat

Irf said...

Hamid Karzai, Bettina Arndt, Miranda Devine and Abu Hamza should all move to Aghanistan. Especially now that the country is safe from the Taliban.

Pfft ...