Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Janet Albrechsten, Beautiful John Howard, Filthy Kevin Rudd, the beauty of logic, and let Peter Costello Catch the Fire

Sssshhh, be very quiet, we're hunting wascally wabbits, filthy doctrinaire lefties with dumb long ears and vile socialist thoughts, and cute little fluffy tails you can snip off and use on beanies for the footie, and rabbits' paws that will bring you no luck, only pestilent misery of a communal kind.

Now be very very quiet. I can see another hunter. Eer, what's up doc(trinaire)? Why hello Janet Albrechtsen, what have you got to offer the world? Say what? Who is the real Rudd?

Great! An incisive look into the heart of darkness, the bland soul of the Ruddster, his Christian piety and his attempts to pass himself off as John Howard lite? Of course, we'd expect nothing less than a full-on rant about Rudd's weaknesses, his lack of courage, his hypocrisy, the stench emanating from his Rooster tailfeathers, even if it does go on at tedious, hysterical length.

We love a deep, logical analysis of political failings.

Confidence in a leader comes from knowing who they are and what they believe. Love him or loathe him, Howard was known to friend and foe. His political beliefs remained and he pursued them often against the orthodoxy of the time.

Say what? Oh so John Howard was tried and true and never backflipped once, unlike a typical politician. He was a piece of 2 x 4, ready to smote anyone with his enduring righteousness, never once swaying from an enduring set of principles. That's why people loved him or loathed him. They knew exactly where he stood. 

Pragmatism was, of course, part of Howard's political make-up. For example, he rejected a GST only to later embrace it as part of a much needed tax reform, despite the political risks ...

Say what? Oh so he was a steady hand on the tiller of state, our very own Titanic, as we sailed the ocean red, except when he saw a Machiavellian need to change course, to throw a tack on the jib, or lower the mainsail or strike the spinnaker, without regard to political principles but saw a way to grab an edge. What a yachtie.

But er Janet, you put these two gobsmackingly different, black is white, white is black, ideas together in one paragraph, and I fell about laughing. I didn't have time to read on about how Rudd was himself a pragmatic without any consistent or coherent belief except for political power (unlike dear, caring John who was consistently coherent, except when he was clearly inconsistently not).

Every Rudd position has been determined by how to get it (power), and, now, how to keep it. 

Ergo John Howard was completely different. Except when he was the same.

Dearie me, it's hard not to feel sorry for John Howard, having such a profoundly dumb supporter, who clearly doesn't understand the first thing about politics, and it's hard not to think the Ruddster might escape just punishment for his ways with this kind of feeble chook-like analysis (that's a dumb barnyard animal that mainly clucks and lays eggs for people who don't understand Australian slang).

Still with deep thinking so shallow like this Janet might just sweep the field in the 101 Logic for Loons award in our 'end of financial year' prize giving when everything and everybody must go at knockdown prices.

Here's a thought Janet. After your last incisive comparison of bailout caps with confused transsexuals, I started wondering whether you'd missed out on the fierce free market spirit to be found in the transsexual community, sisters and brothers in arms to your cause, as exemplified by Lou Reed:

Little Joe never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay

A hustle here and a hustle there
New York city is the place where, they said
Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
I said, hey Joe, take a walk on the wild side.

And the song also provides a definitive analysis of your devoted, ever so faithful, heart-warming suck up to John Howard, and the severe, one hundred stroke thrashing of that feeble Kevin Rudd you administered with all the fury of a frustrated Madame Lash still in tear-stained shock that your beautiful little Johnny is now gone. That's right, gawn, like a low life machiavellian loser:

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

(and so on, repeat ad naueseam).

While on the subject of faith, another loon had his recent past come back to bite him. That arch loon Peter Costello, with his creepy pious prayerful Australia Day message to a congregation of loons administered by chief loon Pastor Danny Nalliah at the Catch the Fire ministries, opened himself up to their full loonery, and sure enough Pastor Danny obliged.

The Victorian bushfires were caused by god, as punishment for the slaughter of innocent children in the womb. It seems god had removed his protection of the baby killing state of Australia and along came the flames (you can find the story here in Rick Feneley's piece Pastor's abortion dream inflames bushfire tragedy).

This is the kind of loonacy we heard when the destruction of New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina was said to be caused by its embrace of homosexuality and the giving of parties with sex, drugs and music.

Costello immediately distanced himself quickly, calling the remarks appalling, heartless and wrong. "Those who have suffered deserve our support and sympathy. It is beyond the bounds of decency to try to make moral or political points out of such a tragedy."

But Pastor Dan wouldn't take a back step - no use molly-coddling Australians or worrying about appalling bad taste. And the reporter didn't help, by noting that Costello had lost a Christian friend in the fires. So suddenly it's okay to be upset about losing a Christian friend, as opposed to mourning the terrible deaths of friends and family or people, just people, ordinary giving caring and sharing people who might be Christian, Islamic, secular, atheist or Calathumpian.

But actually there's no point in getting upset about Pastor Dan. He's just a thick, deluded dumbo with no sense of timing or taste, driven mad by his anti-abortion hate thinking. 

Christian fundamentalism is as stupid as the Islamic kind. Once you jump the shark with that kind of stupefying, illogical, faith driven thinking, there's no way back, and all you want is oxygen, any kind of publicity driven oxygen, to expose your lunatic ideas to as wide an audience as possible.

But, as we've asked before, what was Peter Costello thinking when he did his Australia Day message to a congregation of loons in dog whistling ways that was sure to bring out the worst in them? 

This is the man who aspired to be Prime Minister, this is the man still receiving a call to arms from loons like our very own fat owl of the remove, Piers Akerman. Yet he's shown himself to be without a shred of political nouse or understanding in this latest very public engagement (on YouTube, no less).

And funnily enough Janet Albrechtsen didn't mention the one thing we should all bow down and be eternally grateful to John Howard for. Thank you John, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for keeping that smarmy, smirking, self-satisified, strutting, simpering, brainless buffoon Peter Costello out of the top job, away from the throne, hands off the crown, these many long years. In that alone you did heroic national service. And you showed a stout hearted consistency in nailing him to the floor, not once changing your mind. Now if only Kevin Rudd would take out Stephen Conroy ...

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